Tom Bilyeu hosts William Costello, an evolutionary psychology researcher at the University of Texas at Austin under Dr. David Buss, to explore what Costello calls the modern 'mating crisis.'

The conversation examines how women's educational and economic success has created a scarcity of 'eligible' men, leading to widespread dating market dysfunction. Costello draws from evolutionary psychology research and references key works including Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves, The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel, and The Status Game by Will Storr.

They discuss the paradox of declining birth rates despite most childless women reporting they want children, the rise of sexlessness among young adults, and how dating apps exacerbate mate selection problems by reducing compatibility to static data points like height and income.

The Reversal of Male Sexlessness During COVID

Sexlessness among young men, which had tripled to 28% by 2018, actually reversed during the pandemic as men took greater risks to pursue sexual encounters while women became more risk-averse.

"Young men would be less kind of disgust sensitive than women, so they'd be willing to maybe take the risk, especially for sex" - William, explaining why male sexlessness dropped during COVID.

The statistic dropped back to around 12-15%, but this doesn't indicate the end of the mating crisis as broader relationship dissatisfaction persists across both sexes.

Educational Hypergamy Creates Eligible Male Scarcity

Dr. David Buss coined the term 'mating crisis among educated women' in 2016, describing how women's educational success creates a shortage of men they consider eligible partners.

As documented in Of Boys and Men, women now outpace men in educational settings at rapid rates, creating what's called 'pink campuses' where women dominate enrollment.

Women's evolved preference for equal or higher status mates (hypergamy) combined with their own success means they compete with both highly educated and lower educated women for an increasingly small pool of eligible men.

This scarcity favors the few eligible men, making them less willing to commit to long-term relationships because they have abundant options.

The Dark Consequences of Mating Down

When women do 'mate down' with less educated or lower-earning partners, relationships show increased infidelity, medication use for anxiety and depression, and intimate partner violence.

A study of over 21,000 EU women across 27 countries found that women earning more or being higher educated than their partners was a massive risk factor for all types of intimate partner violence.

Men who can't provide benefits resort to 'cost infliction mate retention strategies' - lowering their partner's self-esteem through abuse to prevent them from leaving.

"Who would ever have you except me? You're lucky to have me. No one will ever have you" - William, describing typical abusive language used to lower a partner's sense of mate value.

Dating Apps Reduce Humans to Static Data Points

Online dating exacerbates mate selection problems by reducing compatibility to height, income, and educational level rather than personality or charm.

"Dating apps don't allow a nice, charming Irish accent to compensate for being five foot seven" - William, explaining how apps eliminate personality advantages.

Women setting height preferences to 6 feet or over reduce their mating pool to just 18% of American men; requiring 6'3" drops it to only 3%.

The 'female delusion calculator' shows that women seeking men who are 6+ feet, earn $100k+, and aren't obese are competing for just 0.35% of the male population.

The All-or-Nothing Marriage Phenomenon

The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel describes how modern relationships demand partners be sexually fulfilling, best friends, and help fulfill potential - all in one package.

Historically, partners were rolemates chosen to navigate life together within limited local options, not expected to meet every emotional and developmental need.

The evolutionary novel mating market with global dating app access creates unrealistic expectations compared to ancestral mate selection within small communities.

Foodie Calls and Misrepresented Interest

33% of women report engaging in 'foodie calls' - misrepresenting romantic interest to dine at men's expense, with average first dates in New York costing $90.

Men have evolved sexual over-perception bias, interpreting smiles as sexual interest because ancestors who missed mating cues didn't reproduce.

Women often give 'soft rejections' or token resistance for safety reasons, creating a recipe for disaster when combined with male over-perception bias.

The Historical Context of Polygamy and War

Around 8,000 years ago, genetic evidence shows 17 women reproduced for every one man, coinciding with agriculture allowing high-status males to stockpile resources and monopolize mates.

83% of historically studied societies practiced polygamy, though most individual relationships remained monogamous within those societies.

The primary reason for war throughout human history was acquiring mates and brides, as confirmed by the Yanomamö tribe who laughed at Western concepts like fighting for 'democracy.'

Culturally enforced monogamy evolved as societies recognized it created more egalitarian mate distribution and prevented surplus young men from causing social disruption.

Status Assignment and Male Improvement

The Status Game demonstrates how status can be assigned to arbitrary achievements, like a tribe that prizes whoever grows the biggest yams.

While female status often derives from physical beauty and male status from resources and strength, the specific markers of male status could theoretically be more malleable.

Only 5% of young women desire partnerships where they work full-time while their partner works part-time or stays home, suggesting limited appetite for role reversal.

Tom advocates men must step up rather than asking women to slow down: 'If she's running faster and I want to lead, I have to move faster as well.'